Unaffected
by titangirl161
Summary: attempt at a JtHM story-songfic. Johnny contemplates some things while staring at the stars. rated to be safe.


Hey, I'm here, attempting to write a JtHM story. I attempted before and it sucked, so I'll try again. It's a songfic- the song is Unaffected by Hoobastank. This song always made me think of Johnny. You may actually like it- but I doubt it. I just wanted to write it down. My puppy-muse Scribble will do the disclaimer.  
  
Scribble: We don't own JtHM. If Jhonen Vasquez saw what we were doing to his wonderful creation, he would probably slit our throats open.  
  
Unaffected  
  
It was another 2AM and Johnny was miserable. He wasn't at the point to considering suicide yet, but he was defiantly on a down cycle.  
  
(A/N: Yes, I know what I'm talking about- in issue 5, D-boy hints that Johnny is manic depressive, or has bipolar disorder.)  
  
He stared at the stars and sighed. They were so beautiful. He wanted so much to be up there with them, to fly among them. Instead, he was here in a crappy world full of idiots and assholes who judged others because of their appearances, because of their race, because of their creed, and made fun of them, acting like they were still in middle school, immature and cruel.  
  
Johnny sighed again. He knew he would never be able to fly with them. He didn't deserve it- he was dirty, angry, and ugly. He had done so many horrible things; he had killed so many people, and acted as though it was nothing at all. Yet, deep in his mind, he felt only hurt, frustration, and sadness. He would never fulfill his dream.  
  
As he contemplated this, a song came on the radio:  
  
"There never seems to be  
  
Because what I believe a moment I'm not trying  
  
To show them who I am  
  
Why can't they understand the things that they're denying?  
  
They're denying"  
  
Johnny nodded. It seemed so true to him. He was always judged for what he appeared to be, not who he was. He wanted them to see, but they all refused. They didn't understand him, and for that, they feared him. People always fear what they can't understand. But people also hate what they are afraid of- because nobody likes to be afraid. Therefore, they hated him, all because they just didn't understand.  
  
"So what should I do?  
  
Just lay next to you as though I'm unaffected  
  
And who should I be  
  
When they're judging me as though I'm unaffected?"  
  
Johnny was so used to being judged. It happened to him all the time. The worst part was, the people who did it weren't even tactful enough to wait until he was out of earshot. They did it when he was looking them in the face. It hurt, it hurt him so much, it actually drove him to kill. He wanted them to pay, to make them feel the way he felt, to make it so they would never hurt him again. He wanted revenge, and it did it by making the person pay most severely. It was like a Hammurabi code- they killed him on the inside, so he killed them on the outside.  
  
"The chance they never give  
  
To ever want to live the life that I am made of  
  
There's nothing left to prove  
  
My heart's forever true, what is it they're afraid of?  
  
Afraid of"  
  
They never gave him a chance to live, to show his true colors. They only made fun of him because they only saw what they wanted to see, and nothing more. They didn't want to see the intelligent, maybe even nice person that he was, they only wanted to see him as a skinny fag who wore black, or a horrible monster. Even Squee was scared of him, knowing what he did.  
  
"So what should I do  
  
Just lay next to you as though I'm unaffected?  
  
And who should I be  
  
When they're judging me as though I'm unaffected?  
  
Before they even saw my face  
  
They knew that I was not the same  
  
And decided I was not the one for you, for you"  
  
Johnny nodded. That was probably the reason. Johnny was not the same. He was a waste lock, something most people are not. It was probably what screwed him over, and helped him to become what he was. He was different, and he knew it. Maybe they knew it to. People were like sheep- dumb, always following one another, even to death, but they didn't like what was not like them. Johnny wasn't like them. Not in the least bit.  
  
"So what should I do?  
  
I'm not unaffected  
  
And who should I be?  
  
I'm not unaffected"  
  
Tears welled up in Johnny eyes. Everyone- they made fun of him to his face, pushed him around, commented on his appearance, just because he was different. They seemed to think what they did, what they said, had no affect on him. As though it didn't hurt him. But they were wrong. It did hurt. He wasn't made out of stone. He was human. He had all the same feelings.  
  
He wasn't unaffected. Contrarily, he was affected much more than anyone else.  
  
"So what should I do,  
  
Just lay next to you as though I'm unaffected?  
  
And who should I be  
  
When they're judging me as though I'm unaffected?  
  
Unaffected  
  
Unaffected  
  
Unaffected  
  
Unaffected"  
  
Johnny wasn't unaffected, even though he wanted to be. He would always be judged, always hated and despised; he would always feel nothing but hurt, all his life. There was no alternative for him. This was his course, he couldn't change it. He would always be sad.  
  
He let the tears fall from his eyes.  
  
Scribble: WOW- THAT SUCKED.  
  
Me: Yeah- kinda did. Bet everyone's pointing flamethrowers at my head right now. Damn. Well, thanks for reading my crappy story, I remember now why I don't write at midnight, maybe I'll post this tomorrow. You can review, or not. Please no flames, though nice reviews and constructive criticism is welcomed. Long Live the Waste Lock!  
  
-titangirl161 


End file.
